Today was simultaneously the BEST and WORST class ever. I am blogging not 3 min after getting home in order to help sort out my thoughts- and there are many.
We started off with a Rama circle, in which I gathered that we were supposed to improve the story of Ramayana, but since I missed last class I did not what to do. And no one stepped in - this led to a LONG conversation about where we are now and what we want and what is bothering us. And things were said and somehow I ended up speaking. Essentially this is what I said:
-this class is hard because we are supposed to be a community SO extremely different from anything we are used to
-how am I supposed to want to be part of this all sharing all helping all understanding community when I know that I will leave class and enter 'the real world' or the world that we (as college ages Americans) know it
-this community is such a small percent of my life, how do I change for it
-I do not know how to do well in this community because there is no standard, no specific steps or goals, and of course I want to do well (not to be the best or close but for my own value of success)
No one said anything after I spoke, so needless to say, I felt horrible and seriously wondered about this community.
I question how I am supposed to be part of this community of 30+ people that I don't know at all. I question the beliefs and spirituality that I think the guru is asking us for. Maybe I am cynical, but I do not have a belief in this higher spirit. I can learn and study and appreciate the cultural studies of this class and I can do the movements and learn the dances, but I do not and don't think I will ever have that higher understanding. AND if that is the case... I am the roadblock for our class, I am what will hinder us moving on.
AFTER ALL OF THIS....
during our ten min break both Sarah and Kalyani (sp?) spoke to me, both agreeing with what I said, letting me know that I was not alone. THANK YOU! ha, it made me feel so much better for not being alone and feel better about the community. It also led me to believe I am not the only roadblock bc other people feel the way I feel.
Then we had a massive monkey begging fight and all the tension was gone form the room and we were just a group again.
I dont know what to feel! Mostly I am upset.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
... time to get deep....
Many questions were posed to us this week and in an attempt to discover more meaning to our daily rituals I will answer one now.
Q: How can we as a community, in this class, benefit from Banjar?
The Banjar is in its most basic of definitions defined as a village council; the community extension of the house that governs most aspects of personal and private, individual and communal village issues. While there is a 'subscription' payment to join the banjar, it is mandatory for all males to represent their family within it. It plays the functions of -town council -tribunal -department of public works -welfare council - environment and sanitation control -social outlet -youth mentor ship. They own their own fields and therefore its crops, has an orchestra and dance team, bank and runs the temples, markets, roads and houses (plus much more).
A: Each of us walks into class every Monday and Wednesday as a tired individual coming off of a personal day- but we walk into a group and become a community. Everything that each individual has experienced that day or week affects them personally but they way they feel personally affects the group. In ICAP we wait for everyone so that everyone is on the same page and no one feels pressured to move on to the next step if they are not comfortable with it. Therefore when someone walks into our 'banjar,' they bring their attitude, stress, and experiences with them; so we all affect each other. In this class we are encouraged to share both how we are feeling, our experiences and our insights with the banjar, which not only brings us closer but allows us to support everyone. Considering that banjar helps the community with whatever they are going through- we can do the same by providing support, understanding, justice... whatever it may be. I feel that in a way we all have to 'surrender' (which has been a recent key point in class) to the banjar in order to benefit from it. We are all learning to surrender to the banjar and share ourselves with the other community members- this can only benefit us as a group. We will grow closer, read each other and be able to perform or feel our dancing as a group and not as an individual. I have no experienced it yet but can only imagine how it will feel the first time we dance, walk, chant, or sing and are one and not individuals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DexAx3D9BAo
This is a clip of a Beautiful Balinese Banjar- the actually place of community not necessarily the community itself BUT while looking at the images you can only imagine the purity of the community events and gatherings that happen there!!!
Q: How can we as a community, in this class, benefit from Banjar?
The Banjar is in its most basic of definitions defined as a village council; the community extension of the house that governs most aspects of personal and private, individual and communal village issues. While there is a 'subscription' payment to join the banjar, it is mandatory for all males to represent their family within it. It plays the functions of -town council -tribunal -department of public works -welfare council - environment and sanitation control -social outlet -youth mentor ship. They own their own fields and therefore its crops, has an orchestra and dance team, bank and runs the temples, markets, roads and houses (plus much more).
A: Each of us walks into class every Monday and Wednesday as a tired individual coming off of a personal day- but we walk into a group and become a community. Everything that each individual has experienced that day or week affects them personally but they way they feel personally affects the group. In ICAP we wait for everyone so that everyone is on the same page and no one feels pressured to move on to the next step if they are not comfortable with it. Therefore when someone walks into our 'banjar,' they bring their attitude, stress, and experiences with them; so we all affect each other. In this class we are encouraged to share both how we are feeling, our experiences and our insights with the banjar, which not only brings us closer but allows us to support everyone. Considering that banjar helps the community with whatever they are going through- we can do the same by providing support, understanding, justice... whatever it may be. I feel that in a way we all have to 'surrender' (which has been a recent key point in class) to the banjar in order to benefit from it. We are all learning to surrender to the banjar and share ourselves with the other community members- this can only benefit us as a group. We will grow closer, read each other and be able to perform or feel our dancing as a group and not as an individual. I have no experienced it yet but can only imagine how it will feel the first time we dance, walk, chant, or sing and are one and not individuals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DexAx3D9BAo
This is a clip of a Beautiful Balinese Banjar- the actually place of community not necessarily the community itself BUT while looking at the images you can only imagine the purity of the community events and gatherings that happen there!!!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Think slower or Move faster?!
With so many new steps it is quickly becoming apparent what I need to improve on! I need to stretch my thighs constantly in order to be able to stay as low as we need to in all of our moves. And I know that I am never quit low enough like our Gurus.
For the first time today I experienced two new things:
1- I saw what we could do as a group. On Mon we were given a task to do as a group and were able to complete it together. In addition to that today we were able to put together a whole bunch of moves into a mini- choreography! It was soooo exciting to see part of my/our goal come to life.
2- My body wouldn't or couldn't do what my mind thought. I could see in my mind the moves I had to do, but my body could not keep up! It was very funny at first and a lot of us were rolling on the floor, but after a while it became a little upsetting. I will just have to do a little practicing in my dining room.
Counting: Like western 4/4 time or 3/4 time depending
tai ya ta ta (lotus toward R foot)
tha tha tai, tha tha tai (shikara)
tai ya ta ha (lotus toward L foot)
tha tha tai, tha tha tai (?)
Lastly- We did some singing (chanting) which is one of my favorite things to do. But my musicality almost hits a wall in regards to this chanting that is supposed to represent Javanese Gamelan or Balinese Gamelan (faster). I am very count/rhythm oriented and it is very hard to feel that in what we did today; I need to learn to "surrender" to the music and beats instead of trying to impose my western counting on it. Another thing to work on!
Thats all for now, must go stretch my aching legs.
For the first time today I experienced two new things:
1- I saw what we could do as a group. On Mon we were given a task to do as a group and were able to complete it together. In addition to that today we were able to put together a whole bunch of moves into a mini- choreography! It was soooo exciting to see part of my/our goal come to life.
2- My body wouldn't or couldn't do what my mind thought. I could see in my mind the moves I had to do, but my body could not keep up! It was very funny at first and a lot of us were rolling on the floor, but after a while it became a little upsetting. I will just have to do a little practicing in my dining room.
Counting: Like western 4/4 time or 3/4 time depending
tai ya ta ta (lotus toward R foot)
tha tha tai, tha tha tai (shikara)
tai ya ta ha (lotus toward L foot)
tha tha tai, tha tha tai (?)
Lastly- We did some singing (chanting) which is one of my favorite things to do. But my musicality almost hits a wall in regards to this chanting that is supposed to represent Javanese Gamelan or Balinese Gamelan (faster). I am very count/rhythm oriented and it is very hard to feel that in what we did today; I need to learn to "surrender" to the music and beats instead of trying to impose my western counting on it. Another thing to work on!
Thats all for now, must go stretch my aching legs.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Week Two...
Well... week two was a little more intense. Not only are we learning more Balinese techniques from Francis, but we are now learning Indian dancing and Namaskaram; which is just slightly faster paced than last week, ha! This includes lots of stamping, counting and Mudras (hand positions). On top of actually moving we are learning the history of these traditions and the history of their homelands, which only adds more depth and understanding to the movements that my body finds awkward.
When I left class on Tues I realized how good I felt- both physically and mentally. I was in such a peaceful and happy state of mind that most of me could not fathom going home to work, so I enjoyed the outdoors for a little bit first.
The Ramayana is such a great read. Once you get past all those names, it is extremely interesting and an amazing page-turner. On Thurs we were able to watch the WM production of the Ramayana, directed by our Guru, on DVD. It was incredible. The way they summarized the epic and never used English translation but got the plot across to the audience was a feat in itself. My other other thought was, 'I have to do what?' It is a taste of what our end product will be.
This week I need to- increase the length that I am able to squat (thighs are a'bunrin') and not be concerned with what we will eventually have to produce in this course! Stay focuses on today.
I just passed the Golden Deer part of the Ramayana and found this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMdE3fbBp_0
Enjoy!
When I left class on Tues I realized how good I felt- both physically and mentally. I was in such a peaceful and happy state of mind that most of me could not fathom going home to work, so I enjoyed the outdoors for a little bit first.
The Ramayana is such a great read. Once you get past all those names, it is extremely interesting and an amazing page-turner. On Thurs we were able to watch the WM production of the Ramayana, directed by our Guru, on DVD. It was incredible. The way they summarized the epic and never used English translation but got the plot across to the audience was a feat in itself. My other other thought was, 'I have to do what?' It is a taste of what our end product will be.
This week I need to- increase the length that I am able to squat (thighs are a'bunrin') and not be concerned with what we will eventually have to produce in this course! Stay focuses on today.
I just passed the Golden Deer part of the Ramayana and found this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMdE3fbBp_0
Enjoy!
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